How unbelievably excited are you to delve into the stinky world of POOP today?!
How did it even become the word “poop” anyway?
Do you ever wonder how things got their name?
Like who was the person one day who went, looked into the toilet, and said “ hmmm… I think I’ll call this brown log-shaped stinky tootsie roll floater thing here ‘poop…’”
I had no idea that my path in life would lead me to being an expert on this topic.
I had no idea that I would be the girl who at parties would spark up conversations with random people and talk about their poo.
My poor bae … all conversations with new friends take this turn. All of them. Because it obviously comes up in conversation what we all do for a living, and when I mention I’m an internationally certified colon hydrotherapist, and people give me the head cock furrowed brow question mark look, I then explain what it is that a colon hydrotherapist does, the process of irrigating someone’s colon, and then before you know it we are talking about poops, normal poops, abnormal poops, poop smells, poop schedules, things found in poop, things leading up to poops, and the list goes on and on and on.
And my Drew is so amazing to just let things go that direction. That’s honestly how I knew he was my one and only bear actually … one day I came home from work and was like “Babe—I’m going to be a colon hydrotherapist! I want to help people poop for a living! And OMG I’m so excited about it isn’t that amazing?!?!” And he just looked at me in the adoring, loving way that he always does, said “You do you, babe!” and he thought it was cool I was going after something that brought me joy.
Babe if you’re reading, you’re amazing. Thank you for loving me and all my shameless ways. You’re the best man to ever live.
Lets be honest here … no one really wants to be this girl.
I get it, it’s not exactly sexy to start talking about your back door and the habits involved in your sacred bathroom time. But my goal here isn’t to be sexy to you. It isn’t to be “lady-like” and decent and conserved.
MY JOB IN THIS LIFE IS TO SERVE PEOPLE AND
HELP THEM BE THEIR HEALTHIEST, HAPPIEST
VERSIONS OF THEMSELVES…
…AND APPARENTLY THE WAY THAT I DO THAT IS
THROUGH POOP
It’s dirty work.
It’s stinky work.
It’s always an adventure and sometimes a little unsettling.
And yes, I have left the office with poo on me
But it is SUCH incredible work.
Like of all the people in the world who are certified to do this work, these people chose ME. They are trusting their back doors with ME. They are coming to see ME because they feel safe and cared for and free of judgement. I do NOT take that privilege lightly. It is an honor, actually. So thank you to all my clients past and present who have made me into the colon therapist I am today. I love her. I think I will keep her.
I am perfectly happy being the one with absolutely no shame at all who feels (weirdly) more than okay being part of helping you achieve healthier poops.
Lets start with that.
What is a healthy poop?
A healthy poop is one that comes first thing in the morning, is banana shaped, its easy to pass (meaning you don’t have to strain to get it out), passes quickly after you sit on the toilet, it floats in the bowl, and when you flush, it breaks up into tiny particles.
The perfect poop is one where its all pretty like that, and bonus – you don’t even have to wipe.
I know all of us wipe, but have you ever had a poo where when you do wipe, there’s nothing on the toilet paper? That’s amazing! On the flip side, have you ever had a poo where it’s like a melted candy bar? It’s like never ending … Yeah, that poo needs a little help.
You should be pooping 2-3 times per day. I know … that seems like a lot. Many of you are probably reading this and thinking that something might be very wrong if you are pooping that much. Hear me out for a sec.
Think about how many times a day you are eating.
Most of us eat 3 meals a day, breakfast lunch and dinner.
Many of us also snack once or twice a day too.
Maybe we have dessert at the end of the day too.
If we are putting 3 big meals into our body, plus extra food in the form of snacks and grazing and treats, and we aren’t eliminating the waste that our bodies don’t need after digestion and nutrient extraction, then where is it going? Why isn’t it coming out? What’s it doing in there?
What Is Poop?
Poop is primarily made up of water, insoluble fiber, undigested food residue, metabolic waste particles, dead bacteria from our microbiome, protein, mucus, bile, and other waste products that the body is trying to eliminate. Think about it this way. Your colon aka large intestine (which is the 5 to 5 ½ feet of the most distal portion of your gastrointestinal tract) is where your poo resides.
Basic GI Anatomy 101
(This is VERY basic. If you’d like a more in-depth post on digestion/the GI tract, let me know in the comments)
Mouth
Saliva, mastication, digestion starts here
Esophagus
This is the passageway that carries the food to our stomach
Stomach
This is where chemical and mechanical digestion happens. The parietal cells of the stomach hydrochloric acid, which kills bacteria that may be present on the food we just ate. The pH of the stomach is 1.6 … so like battery acid. Food is starting to be broken down into smaller particles
Small intestine
The food moves into the small intestine where pancreatic juices and bile are secreted. These juices break down the food into even smaller individual usable nutrients, particles that are so small they are able to be absorbed into the blood stream and then delivered all around our body to be used by our organs and used in metabolic processes to keep us alive and thriving
Large intestine (aka: the colon)
Whatever is left over from digestion in the small intestine ends up in the colon where the bacteria from your microbiome start gobbling up the indigestible fibers and leftovers. Water is reabsorbed so you don’t become dehydrated, stool becomes harder as it moves from the cecum on the right side of your abdomen to the descending colon on the left side of your abdomen
Rectum
This is the final section of the large intestine
Anus
This is the opening at the end of the GI tract through which poo leaves your body
The total transit time for digestion should be about 12 hours. For most people (especially my constipated friends out there, and especiiiiaaallllyyyy my friends who eat lots of animal protein), this is more like 24-36 hours…
THE COLON IS ESSENTIALLY THE TOXIC WASTE
CENTER OF YOUR BODY
Think about it – everything that you’ve put into your mouth that is no longer needed ends up in the colon.
Other things end up there too, like metabolic waste products and dirty lymph and dead red and white blood cells, and dead other cells that have reached the end of their life, and sloughed off lining of the GI tract, and heavy metals the body is trying to eliminate, and toxic bile (did you know that bile is what gives your poo the brown color?) and pharmaceutical metabolites, and old hormones the body has used already, and cholesterol, and the list goes on and on and on.
Think of it this way. Lets say you have a sexy plate of your favorite food. For me, lets go with some coconut jasmine rice, lamb and ginger, shrimp and garlic, and spicy lemon thai noodles from Burma Superstar (where my Bay Area folk at!?). Amazing right? So delicious, so scrumdiddlyumptious. Lets say we mashed it all up, mixed it with hydrochloric acid and pancreatic juices and bile and churned it all up into a big pile of food+digestive juices+bile and throw in some bacteria too, then left that plate of food out in a 98.6 degree trash can. And lets say we left it out there for 24-36 hours … what do you think is going to happen? It is going to putrefy. It’s going. to. get. disgusting. It’s going to start smelling. It’s going to attract vermin, and bugs, and flies, and raccoons, and maybe a wise-cracking rat or 2 or 30. …….. are you grossed out yet? Thanks, @healthygutgirl_ for that unbelievably vivid and incredibly eye opening example! Check out her podcast, Stuff Your Doctor Should Know, and listen to her incredible life-changing information on digestion.
The colon is the toxic waste center of your body. Let this sink in a minute here, friends.
If you are not eliminating poo enough (and remember enough is 2-3 times per day), this is literally what is happening inside your body every day.
Things are putrefying in there.
They are literally decaying and becoming a breeding ground for grossness.
The vermin that were eating that once upon a time sexy plate of Burma Superstar food are equivalent to the naughty, pathogenic, and potentially very harmful bacteria that create imbalance in your microbiome.
And that’s a whole other post for another day, because imbalances in your microbiome are very bad, and can impact your health in a slew of bad ways including lowering your immunity and increasing your risk of cancer. Stay tuned for that one.
So yeah … that’s what happens when you don’t poop enough.
Who is ready to learn how to have healthy poops?! So many hands raised, I love it!!
The Five F's To Fabulous Pooping
FLUID
Drink half your weight in ounces in good filtered (NON TOP) water EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Dehydration is a huge reason people are constipated. So if you weigh 150 pounds, you should be drinking 75 ounces of water
FITNESS
Move your body!! Exercise, walk, get your heart rate up. The colon loves to exercise. When you are physically active, your body’s peristalsis (the involuntary, smooth muscle contractions that move the poo throughout your colon) is activated. Yay!
FIBER
25-35 grams of fiber every single day. Click here for my post about the highest fiber containing foods out there!
FATS
Healthy fats are such a friend to your colon! It keeps the cells of your colon nice and lubed up for easy elimination. Click here for my post about healthy fats!
FLORA
Invest in a high quality probiotic to colonize your colon with beneficial bacteria. The microbiome is maybe the most important discovery of our lifetime. These bacteria that live on us and in us are as old as the Earth and they are pivotal to your health, well-being, and whether or not you are merely surviving or whether you are truly thriving. You need to keep your colon inoculated with healthy bacteria because they do more for you than science will honestly probably know in our lifetime. This is my favorite one on the market. Type in my promo code “abundant15” to get 15% off your next order!!
Don’t be afraid of your poop, friends. You know how old people are so obsessed with their daily “BM”? That’s because they are super woke to the fact that a healthy body poops every day. If they don’t, they know something is wrong.
Get to looking into the toilet every single time after you go.
What does it look like?
Is it a pretty banana shape?
Or is it a bunch of small little rabbit turds all squished together?
Is it wet and candy bar-ish?
Is it very stinky?
Is there a bunch of cob-webby mucus surrounding it?
Is it brown or green or light brown or red or clay?
Can you see whole pieces of food in there?
It’s not gross to be looking at your poo. It’s actually incredibly smart. Your poo tells you SO much about the state of your health. So start looking if you’re not already!!
I’ve got some GREAT posts coming down the hatch. Coming soon to a website near you (hehehe) are posts on: colon hydrotherapy, the microbiome, liver and gallbladder health, optimal digestion, the gut/brain connection, leaky gut, gut dysbiosis…
OMG I love teaching you guys about this stuff!! Never have I ever been SO PROUD that I’m the poo girl next door lol.
I would love to answer any questions you have. I realize that this can be an embarrassing topic for some people. If you have a question that you’d like answered but don’t feel comfortable leaving it in the comments, feel free to email me at [email protected] and I will get back to you there!
Remember that somebody out there cares about you and your colon! Now go out there and give your colon the love it deserves!!
Peace, Love and Healthy Poops!!
Xoxo,
Emily 😊
